


Or So They Said

by wolfzaa



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Canon? What Canon?, Donna is Donna, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Or At Least I Tried, Past Mike/Rachel, Pre-Femslash, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, like season 1 Donna, past Donna/Harvey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 05:23:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9420485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfzaa/pseuds/wolfzaa
Summary: Rumor said they would be hot together, Harvey and Donna -- like, real hot, truly hot, perfectly hot even.  Even though Donna never agreed and Harvey thought the idea was ridiculous, they didn’t mind having some fun when they finally had a chance.Problem was, several years ago, they hadn’t realized that curiosity could literally kill the cat.Or in this case, them.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Setting somewhere during season 3 -- before Mike and Rachel moved in together and before he left the firm, so Donna and Rachel’s talk in 4x08 never happened.  
> For the record, Marvey and Ronna will be endgame here and no otherwise.
> 
> Thank you [Pragya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyingSaucer) for being such a lovely beta reader. I know I've said it before but you're truly amazing! ♥

 

_“No.”_

_“Never?”_

_“No.”_

_“Ever?”_

_“No!”_

_“Why not?”_

_“Because you can never go back.”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When Harvey and Donna first came to work at Gordon Schmidt Van Dyke, everybody in the office thought that finally, _finally_ , they had something worth gossiping about.  Now they got Harvey Specter, the playboy hotshot star among senior associates who got his own secretary like nobody ever had the privilege before, and the said secretary happened to be Donna Paulsen, the fierce redhead who was an absolute goddess on earth.  He was astonishing.  She was extraordinary.  Of course people like them demanded nothing less.  It just made sense for them to sleep together, or at least that was what people said during every lunch break and restroom break in their first year together.

The rumor was dropped after a few years.  Donna made herself very clear about her no-dating-coworkers policy and Harvey’s incredulous glare just said so.  Also, Harvey’s _get-out-of-my-sight_ eye roll and Donna’s _are-you-fucking-kidding-me_ bitch face were scary enough to shoo away anyone bold enough -- or suicidal enough -- to mention it to either one of them.

Therefore, no sleeping together it was.  Though the scandal was still there to intrigue newbies and anyone who wanted to shorten their lifespan.

 

 

 

Rachel heard the tale in her very first week at the firm, but the girl was too excited about her job to care if this new friend of hers was screwing anyone.

When she was settled enough, she still didn’t care.  Donna’s personal life was none of her business, plus the woman seemed unhappy around the subject, so Rachel called bullshit on the rumor and tried not to think about it again.

 

 

 

Mike was one of the few who had never been intrigued by the topic.  His hands were full enough with his own problems, not to mention the secret of practicing law with no degree at all, thank you very much.  Moreover, he thought it was only smart not to mess with any of them, especially from his position.  Mike saw no point in joining the group of associates discussing whether his boss was having a secret workplace romance or not when he could just go and ask the guy himself, which he wasn’t interested to do so.

Messing with his boss’s personal life was stupid, and Mike was, apparently, not stupid at all.

 

 

 

People thought he and Rachel were dating while they were not.

Well, they were, once, but not anymore.  Keeping their relationship had been harder than anybody could expect; everything seemed perfect when nothing ever was.  When they finally reached the breaking point, Mike was surprised that, somehow, they had lasted this long.

They broke up just in time, before Rachel decided to move in.  It wasn’t their best moment, but nor was their worst.  There was no shouting or yelling or fighting or even crying, only a long period of eye contact and unspoken words, regrets, some good memories that could never happen ever again to collect, and one particular feeling that was gone forever.

Love was hard, especially when Mike wasn’t her answer and Rachel wasn’t his safe zone.  They couldn’t help but grow apart, bit by bit, until the day they couldn’t bring themselves to bare their heart in front of each other anymore.  It never ended well.  It never felt right.  Maybe it never would.  They were desperate to trust, have faith, and love each other unconditionally, romantically, yet being desperate might have already pointed out what they lacked itself; what they could and could not do.

“Maybe we can go back,” Rachel told him after their last kiss, a chaste one with no ulterior motives nor desire, “To what we once were.”

Mike nodded solemnly. “It’s gonna be awkward as hell, turning back.”

“We’ll get over it.”

“We will?”

“We will.”

 

 

 

Rachel had been told that once she started, she could never go back.

She begged to differ.

Going back was hard, yes, but not a never; because at last, she and Mike actually did it.  Maybe because they both each had someone else on their mind; someone they both _could_ run back and crash themselves into without thinking twice, someone that would never turn their back on them no matter how fucked up they were, someone they never had to waste a second thinking about _wanting_ to trust -- they just _did._

Rachel knew she couldn’t stay alone the night they broke up, while Mike realized he couldn’t listen to his own breathing any longer.  She needed a bandage to prevent her heart from bleeding, and he needed something to stop his brain from overthinking.

Thus Donna opened her door that night with quirking eyebrow. “Rachel?”

Meanwhile, Harvey gave his associate the scariest glare, but let him in eventually.

“Wanna talk about it?” the redhead asked knowingly while striding back into her kitchen to prepare her secret hot chocolate recipe that would make Rachel practically moan at the first sip.

“What happened?” the best closer of New York demanded as Mike finished his glass of whiskey and sank back into Harvey’s incredibly expensive leather couch.

They told the truth.  Donna cooed and gave Rachel a long comforting hug without words.  Harvey mumbled some snarky comments but grabbed Mike a spare pillow for the night instead of kicking him out.

Rachel felt more at ease than she had on any day of dating Mike, and Mike felt more at home than he had at any time of loving Rachel.

 

 

 

“I think I can go back, Donna,” Rachel muttered under her breath, her hands wrapped around a white mug of hot chocolate.  She curled herself into a nest of pillows Donna had made for her on the plush sofa, looking more comfortable than ever. “If I try hard enough, maybe I can.”

The legal assistant nodded, flashing her an encouraging smile. “Of course you can.”

The word was soft, soothing and just so… _sincere._  It made Rachel’s heart skip a beat but also prodded something in the back of her brain.  The last time she talked about her love life with Donna, it hadn’t gone like this -- and she wasn’t that naive either.

“You really think so?”

“Yes, I do.”

“But you said you could never go back if you...” she narrowed her eyes. “Did you...?”

Donna grimaced. “Well, I lied.”

Rachel forgot how to breath properly for a moment.  Her eyes widened as her brain worked faster than ever, putting two and two together.  Then realization hit her, making the paralegal tighten her fingers around the mug so that she wouldn’t accidentally drop it all over herself.

“Why?” she asked, dismay bleeding heavily in her voice.

“Our conditions were different then.  I didn’t want you to get hurt,” Donna sighed, sitting next to her and facing the girl with nothing but honesty in her eyes, enough to catch Rachel off guard. “You are a good person, Rach.  You and Mike.  You both wear your hearts on your sleeves and I thought it’d be better if you could stop before anything happened and didn’t have to go through any of…” she waved her hand around, “...this.”

Rachel chewed her inner cheek.  Her next words still sounded broken, accusing even, “But _you_ went through it.”

Donna chuckled darkly, “No, girl.  I did not.”

“You didn’t?” Rachel looked at the secretary with confused eyes. “But you just told me… You… Him--- Wasn’t he…good?”

“No, Rachel,” Donna said dryly, “I kicked him out of my room as soon as we were done.”

 

 

 

“Do you think it’s hard?”

“What is?”

“Seeing someone you’ve been with in the past everyday.”

Harvey looked at Mike before walking back to his breakfast counter with two empty glasses in hands, pouring water instead of more liquor.  Mike waited patiently, almost hopelessly, and started thinking he wouldn’t get an answer when Harvey finally spoke, “It depends.”

“On what?”

“On who you were sleeping with.”

“Let’s say--- I don’t know, I don’t wanna pry or make you think I’m judging you again.  I just…” Mike trailed off, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, “I just want to know how to get over something like this,” he hesitated before adding, “Can you, Harvey?”

His voice was small and uncertain despite how far he had come from the college dropout pothead that barged into the interview room.  Mike had grown up a lot at Pearson Hardman, now Pearson Specter.  Things had changed a lot and so had he.  It wasn’t like he needed mentoring as much as before, but some part of him still yearned for Harvey’s guidance, or maybe it was just his presence that calmed Mike down, giving advice or not.

The name partner’s eyes softened -- something he once hid better, but lately, Harvey’s thick wall had somehow crumbled with Mike around.  It made him more human than the arrogant hardass emotionless lawyer he pretended to be.

“I told you this isn’t my area, kid,” Harvey answered at last. “All I know is don’t let it affect your work, or you’re done.  Mostly, I just don’t talk about it.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Some people are easy to get over,” Harvey shrugged absentmindedly. “I don’t think that’s the case with you and Rachel.”

“There are easy cases for something like this?  I don’t think so.”

“When you categorize something as a mistake, everything become a lot damn easier.”

Mike blinked. “What?  Are you serious?  Who--- Wait, I know it’s not some random chick from the bar, you never cared about them, and don’t mess with me by saying it’s Donna because I know---” Harvey subtly flinched at the name, not enough for most people to see, but Mike wasn’t most people. “ _Donna?_  Oh God, did I just discover the secret of the Eighth Wonder?  Holy Jesus Christ!”

Harvey gave him a long suffering look. “Stop that.”

Mike shut his mouth up for three whole seconds.

“How could you get over her anyway?  Wasn’t she...awesome?”

“No, smartass.  I left the room as soon as I found my shoes that night.  End of story.”

 

 

 

Rachel gaped, and so did Mike.

“...You **_what!?_** ”

 

 

 

Rumor said they would be hot together, Harvey and Donna -- like, real hot, truly hot, perfectly hot even.

Or so they said.

Welcome to reality.

“It was only once -- thank _God_ \-- and I never would have done it if we were still working together,” was Donna’s grim explanation. “But then he left the DA's office, and... it happened.”

“We flirted a lot back when I was an ADA,” was Harvey’s side of the story. “We were curious so we decided to cross the line once I left.”

Problem was, several years ago, they hadn’t realized that curiosity could literally kill the cat.

Or in this case, them.

 

 

 

 

_Back then, they had no idea that sometimes, when something didn’t click, it just didn’t._

_Everything seemed to be perfect when Harvey appeared at Donna’s doorstep.  They had plans and all the time in the world.  They always had everything under control and nothing could ever go wrong with them against the world._

_Or so they thought._

_Then Donna winced at the first touch of Harvey’s lips on hers, and their bodies suddenly went rigid._

_Their movement stopped dead for a long while.  The ADA carefully backed away, still bewildered by the eerie feelings twisting inside his stomach.  Donna wasn’t any better, but she quickly gained her composure and glanced back at him, challenging, pretending that she wasn’t caught off guard at all despite the “Don’t you dare try kissing me again, boy” that was written all over her face._

_It didn’t click._ They _didn’t click._

_Oh, but God knew how stubborn, and stupid, they could be at the time._

_They agreed to open a door to hell._

 

 

 

They both groaned at the memory.  It wasn’t their finest moment, and they had this non-verbal agreement that _nothing_ (with three underlines and neon yellow highlighter) fucking happened for a reason.

“Long story short,” the assistant concluded, “It was a nightmare.”

“A _complete_ nightmare,” said Harvey.

“Can you imagine Harvey being uncomfortable in bed?  I know you can’t, but it’s not a great sight, I’ll tell you.  Try imagining doing _it_ with your baby brother!”

“All hail me for being able to see her that awkward and still be where I am.”

“We can rule the world together, I know, but definitely _not_ in _that_ sense.  We know each other too well.”

“We’re like siblings and nothing more, me and her.  But romantically?” Harvey shook his head. “We just hate each other.”

 

 

 

_At least they got away without anymore kissing that particular night._

_They tried, oh, they did try what people had suggested to them all the time, that they could be something else together.  Even though Donna never agreed and Harvey thought the idea was ridiculous, they didn’t mind having some fun when they finally had a chance._

_Unfortunately, they found no fun at all._

_In the middle of the discomfort, they realized that nothing could put two mismatched jigsaws together but a sacrifice -- chopping one of their legs off, just like Cinderella’s stepsisters did to their heels -- and neither of them were ready to do that._

_Donna was left dumbfounded on her own bed while Harvey put on his pants and started searching for his discarded clothes.  Her room had never been this quiet before, not even after the pizza boy looking half her age tried hitting on her a few months ago._

_The redhead stared blankly at the ceiling, “That was…”_

_Harvey cut her off with a growl, “No.”_

_“I’m not talking to you.”_

_“Neither am I.”_

 

 

 

Harvey let out a sardonic huff. “At least we tried.”

“To be honest,” Donna admitted as she made a nauseated face, “I wish we _never_ tried.”

Rachel gave her friend a sympathetic look. “That bad?”

“Worse.”

Mike wasn't too sure if he was allowed to laugh or not, so he just stared at his boss. “What?  No round two?”

“I’m _not_ insane, rookie.”

“And I think we’re done for tonight, honey.”

“And Mike?  Do not mention anything about it again.  _Ever._ ”

Rachel stifled a laugh, and Mike theatrically zipped his mouth with two fingers.

 

 

 

Donna kissed the brunette’s forehead fondly in order to end their conversation before they went to bed.

Harvey closed his bedroom door after glaring at the younger man one last time to make sure the point was clearly made, but came back with a blanket and ruffled the blonde’s hair when he thought the kid was already asleep.

Kissing Rachel was easy.  Touching Mike was natural.

Donna knew she couldn’t kiss Harvey like that, and Harvey knew he couldn’t place his hand on Donna the same way he did on Mike either.

 

 

 

Somehow, this time, it just clicked.

 

 

 

 

Rachel texted her official ex-boyfriend the next morning.

_Weird night._

It took him five or six minutes to send back -- _Mine too._

_Harvey?_

_Well, Donna?_

_You got me there.  So... Are we good?_

_We’re good, and you’re right Rach._

_About what?_

_We’ll get over it._

Rachel smiled at her phone.

  
_Yes, we will._

 

 

 

 

People thought Mike and Rachel were dating while they were not anymore.

They still couldn’t beat Harvey and Donna’s scandal, though -- because the story of a god-like name partner and his god-sent assistant was far more interesting than the love life of some random junior associate and a hottie paralegal.

Fierce, they said.  Emotionless, they said.

A _perfect_ couple, people tried to convince themselves.

  
Rachel needed more than a few seconds to stop giggling, and Mike just choked with suppressed laughter.

 


End file.
